AN ALIEN HAS BEEN COMING TO OUR CHURCH

Lately, strangely, there's been an alien, an alien coming to church...People see him different, people are afriad of him, avoid him...He thinks he comes to church with a invisible force sheild, which pushes people a few feet away when he approches, that is why he is able to come in and out of church with a void surrounding him...

Basically he's just trying to seek salvation, trying his best to cope with the changes and the differences of life living in a new and different world...One word of warmth and concern and we could easily see this chubby alien break down and cry...

Here's why...

After Divorce: Help for Latter-day Saint Men
By A. Dean Byrd

Men face challenges after divorce that are not often discussed, but there is much they can do to find healing.

A. Dean Byrd, “After Divorce: Help for Latter-day Saint Men,” Ensign, Aug. 2003, 58
“I was dying emotionally, and everything that mattered to me had been changed in a way I had no ability to control,” said one Latter-day Saint man after his divorce. “I felt helpless and lost. Ordinarily stable and unemotional, I found myself waking up at four o’clock in the morning and physically shaking. I closed my door at the office and cried uncontrollably for half an hour at a time.” 1

In my work as a professional therapist, I have found that the above description of a Latter-day Saint man’s journey after divorce is all too typical. Yet few would know it. Often men keep such feelings inside and suffer in silence. They experience confusion about marriage, they grieve over lost and altered relationships, and some even wonder if the Lord cares for them. Their suffering is real.

The challenges divorced men face in the aftermath of divorce are not often discussed. Yet there is much they can do to respond to their challenges within a gospel framework, making healing possible.

The Need for Support

Many divorced men report experiencing a deep sense of personal failure and feel they have lost everything important to them. This sense of loss is frequently manifested by anxiety, depression, and guilt. Men in general are expected to bear their struggles in private, partly because society views outward emotional expression by men as being incompatible with masculinity. As a result, men are less likely to ask for or receive emotional support. Frequently others automatically assume the men are responsible for the divorce, particularly if they do not have custody of their children. This often increases divorced men’s feelings of failure and alienation from others.

Though the gospel offers many wonderful resources, some Church settings may seem awkward both for the brother who is divorced and for other members of the ward. One man described the following situation:

“I will never forget the ward social a week or so after we made the decision to separate. We went together—one of the last times we tried that experiment—but separated at the door, and for the rest of the evening, she was surrounded by sympathetic, nurturing sisters. And I was alone. A few of the brothers spoke to me about sporting events or news of the day. …

“Although that evening is the most poignant in my memory, it simply encapsulates for me the total experience of the next two months.” 2

While social support may be difficult to find, such support is an important part of the healing process. Frequently others do want to help; they just don’t know how. Often the fear of being intrusive prevents them from reaching out.

More:

"After Divorce: Help for Latter-day Saint Men"
Men face challenges after divorce that are not often discussed, but there is much they can do to find healing.

Articles on Divorce by LDS Family Services
Church site on helping people with relationship trials.